Poop humour is fun. If you do the toilet scenes
well and commit to them, they can be
really, really powerful.
Sandra Bullock – Actress
Adelaide, South Australia
I sat up straight in bed, wide awake with a bemused expression on my face. Only a few seconds before I had been in a deep sleep, but something had awoken me.
What is that?
Is it…. is it….. now? Really?
And no, it wasn’t a certain type of dream (c’mon guys); but rather a certain funny feeling in my stomach. It was as if a coiling serpent had grown inside of me, wriggling and twitching as it shifted around my intestines.
It heaved again, and I twitched. And slowly, but with an imminent certainty, the feeling, nay the reptilian being inside of me, began to move its way incessantly toward the lower end of my digestive system.
I ripped off the covers and, stark naked, bolted down the hallway before this unworldly serpent came falling out of me. I yanked open the toilet door and fell onto the toilet seat right before…. well you know…
When it was all over I pondered the experience… I cast my mind back to what I had eaten the previous day and instantly, the image of the first green smoothie I had ever had jumped into my mind.
My step mum had left a jug of strange green slush on the table and I had tentatively sipped the contents.
Holy shit. This tastes good?!
So of course, I drank 4 glasses of it. It was the first time my body had ever received such high quality nutrition and fiber and it was now, several hours later, going into detox. My body was literally clearing out waste that must have been there for god knows how long and due to lack of high quality food and nutrition was unable to do so before this point.
As I quietly pulled the toilet door shut, imprisoning the aroma of spinach and banana, I limped back down the hallway to my room incredibly satisfied with the experience (kind of like eating a good meal but in reverse). I wondered how I could include more of these green slushies into my diet. I felt damn good and I wanted more.
That was truly the moment when I had opened the pandoras box which is the ultimate health food for people on the go; The Green Smoothie.
What can you expect from this book?
Well, hopefully, the way I’ve set out your introduction to smoothies won’t see you developing green-python-in-the-bowel-in-the-middle-of-the-nightus like I did when I first started. It’s just at the time drinking 4 glasses seemed like a cool thing to do. Anyway, my point is, I’ve carefully constructed a programme here for you so that you don’t experience any significant detox symptoms from including smoothies in your diet. I’ve listed recipes in 3 sections: Beginner, Intermediate, Advanced, to help you work at your own pace.
Smoothies are, by far in my opinion, one of the most convenient ways to get high amounts of fiber and good quality nutrition into your diet, to stay alkaline, and to detoxify the body. They are an amazing advent of modern technology (the blender) and have made staying healthy, building empires and running countries all at the same time very doable.
My recommendations for smoothies are outlined below, but I’ve also gone above and beyond my recommendations because I know some people like to have a huge variety of smoothies in their regime. That’s fine. I’m not here to chase you down and green-smoothie-enforcer your arse. I’m just here to give you some direction and ideas with this.
My goal, besides giving you the best recipes in the world for smoothies, is to set you up so that you can create your own recipes and be completely independent when it comes to packing a blender with some herb.
So sit back, relax, and grab your copy of my Ultimate Guide and Recipe Book for Smoothies!!
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